A Dependable Wife
by missk284
Summary: Severus Snape is ready to settle down, tired of the witches smitten by fame he posts an ad for a dependable wife. Not compliant to DH epilogue.
1. Chapter 1

AN: I don't own any HP characters, only borrowing them.

**_Seeking A Dependable Wife_**

_Intellectual British wizard seeks A Dependable Wife for proper marriage._

_Must be compelled by sensible reasoning, not romantic._

_Only witches aged between 30 and 50 with no children will be accepted._

_Please include school transcripts, unglamoured photo,_

_and statement of reason for your interest._

_Reply to solicitor's office by letter only. Suitable candidates may_

_be asked to provide additional information._

_William C. Barker, Solicitor._

_248B Diagon Alley, London_

Severus Snape sat in his solicitor's office reviewing the parchment in front of him. Mr. Barker was the best solicitor galleons could buy in Wizarding Britain, as his expensively furnished office attested to. And for a hefty sum of gold he was willing to sort through all the replies that would be received, and forward only the appropriate one. This would save Severus from having to deal with the dunderheaded daydreamers that would no doubt be the majority of his replies. As they had previously discussed the ad was to be placed in several major newspapers in the States, due to his continued notoriety in Europe.

"Professor Snape, are you sure this is the way you want to go about doing this? You could still try a matchmaking service here or maybe just continue looking for the right witch. The wealth you've acquired from the potion patents, and your fame would go quite far in attracting witches."

"Barker, I am tired of twits and gold diggers. I don't wish to date. I want to be done with the process and settled into a comfortable marriage. I wouldn't waste one Knut on the results provided by a matchmaking service. Their process is little better than those that practice the so called art of divination. Now make sure the ad runs as we have discussed and refrain from giving me personal advice, it is not what I pay you for."

"As you wish, Professor. If everything is satisfactory the ad will begin its 7 day run on Sunday in the Los Angeles, Houston, Chicago, Atlanta, and New York editions of the Wizarding Chronicle. The ad has been charmed so that only those with the minimum qualifications will be sent to me, and I will review them for quality and forward them on."

With that Severus nodded, rose from the chair and swept out the room his black robes billowing behind him. Barker was used to his client's abrupt leaving and watched him leave. Once he heard his assistant, Crystal, bid the professor good day and the door to the outer office close, he leaned back in his chair and sighed. He didn't like the course of action that Snape was pursuing, why did he have to seek out an American witch when there were plenty of perfectly serviceable ones in Britain. Americans were so uncouth, even French or Italian would be better. If all Snape was seeking was a comfortable marriage then what difference did the witch's motivations matter?

However, it was true that his notoriety hadn't really carried over much into the American media. During the time of the final battle and the aftermath, the Americans didn't really pay much attention to what occurred in wizarding Britain. The magical culture wasn't as isolated in America as it was in Britain. The American Bureau of Magic was another agency within the large amorphous American government, and did a good job of keeping the magical society blended with mainstream culture. Wizarding children received their primary education with muggle children. At the age of 11 when they were ready to attend junior high they were either sent to private schools, if their parents could afford it, or public "magnet schools." The same practice was used for high school, and the Muggle public was told the specialized magnet schools were for children who had displayed special aptitudes for a certain subject. Universities were blended together, with the magical part being an institute or school within the university. The education of the young witches and wizards contained all the normal subjects, but they were also taught normal muggle subjects as well. So a young witch or wizard would be able to live and react normally within muggle society. This was deemed necessary due to the non-centralized magical population within the States. This philosophy went a long way in dispelling the pureblood prejudice that seemed inherent in the European culture; however there was still some of the sentiment left within the American south where there were a few pockets of centralized "purebloods" left. As if they were truly any "purebloods" left within the American melting pot, most had one or two muggle relatives within their family trees despite their denials.

Barker made a mental rundown of what he needed to do. He had already made initial contact with the person in charge of the classifieds at the Chronicle, the ad needed to get to him by 5pm eastern standard or by 11 tonight. He'd have Crystal send it in a cross continental owl post by the end of the day. He wanted to review the charms on it to ensure that none of the unacceptable witches sent in a reply, and he wanted to double check his wards to make sure that none of them dropped by rather than reply via post. His job was going to be hard enough without unannounced drop ins. Snape had only wanted witches with the highest grades and the most well written coherent arguments. Crystal could take care of checking the transcripts and reviewing the arguments, this should serve to weed out about 90% of the candidates. He could further review the rest and would only send Snape the top 5% or so. Luckily Snape didn't really care about the appearance of the witch or else it would make his job much harder. Well Snape was certainly no looker himself, Barker thought to himself.

"Crystal, get in here," Barker bellowed.

His curvy redhead assistant ambled in with a notepad and a dictation quill. "Yes, Mr. Barker. What do you need?"

Barker folded the ad into an envelope and sealed it. "Address this to Mr. Simmons at the Wizarding Chronicle in New York; send it out via the Cross continental this afternoon. Clear our schedule for next week and review my notes on Mr. Snape's requirements. You will be responsible for weeding out the majority of the responses as well as playing gatekeeper to the drop in visitors. Be discreet when you drop it in the post we are under the normal privacy oaths, and I could lose a lot of galleons if this gets out."

Crystal stopped the dictation quill, and looked over the notes. She was aware of the situation and already made copies of Barker's notes and fixed the schedule. "Will do, sir. I'll drop it off to post when we're done here, and I've already installed an appointment only charm on the door. No one will be dropping in next week. I'll also be sure to cast a disillusionment charm on myself just to be sure no one is watching. Was there anything else sir?"

"Yes, pick me up a bottle of elf made wine and make reservations for me and the wife at Aldono's for tonight. We'll close up early for the day."

Crystal left his office and to drop off the owl post, casting her disillusionment as she left the building. She thought about how lonely poor Professor Snape must be to go to such extremes to find a wife. He was a hero and yet according to the tabloids he had been so unlucky in the love department. It was so romantic that he had loved Lily Evans for all those years, and so sad that he had never found anyone since. He must be horrified that everyone knew about his heartache, from what she had seen he was a very private man. He wasn't a very friendly man but he had never been rude to her, even though she was an assistant. She was always sure to treat him with respect and he seemed to return it in kind, unlike some of the clients she dealt with who treated her like a glorified waitress. She made up her mind then and there that she was going to do her best to help him find someone that would make his life a little less lonely.

AN: I am in need of a beta, if anyone is interested please let me know.


	2. Chapter 2

AN: A big thank you to my new beta, Mark Darcy. And remember to please review, all feedback is appreciated.

Chapter 2

Severus stepped outside of the solicitor's office, cast a Disillusionment spell so as not to be recognized, and walked toward the Slugs and Jiggers Apothecary. He needed to obtain some more bluebonnet petals for the current potion he was working on, and the Diagon Alley apothecary was the most convenient place to get them. As Severus walked he thought to himself about the ad that had been placed. He was looking forward to being finished with the process. He could only imagine the idiot witches who were going to reply to the ad, once again wondering if this was worth the trouble. At least Barker was going to prove useful in sorting through the initial onslaught who responded, and would be able to weed out the truly dimwitted ones.

He was convinced that this was the quickest way he would be able to find a wife who would be a companion and was an intellectual equal. He had attempted "dating" and what a disaster that had turned out to be. After his receipt of his Order of Merlin first class and his tabloid label of the Dark Hero he had witches aplenty. They were after him constantly in the beginning, his notoriety and the residuals from his blood replenishing bezoar weighing heavily in his appeal.

He had taken advantage of it, but quickly tired of spending time with witches who couldn't hold a conversation. And those who were able to string a sentence together usually proved to be more interested in using him either for his fame or his money. He had been used his entire adult life by one master or another and he was never going to be used again. So he had settled back into the recluse lifestyle quickly to avoid them all, but this hadn't stopped them. He started hexing indiscriminately when they appeared on his doorstep at Spinner's End attempting to penetrate his wards.

The last straw was when Rita Skeeter herself had appeared on his doorstep wearing only an overcoat and heels. She had actually managed to get through some of his wards before he blasted her off the step, and used a Sasquatch hex to cover her completely in fur. He heard it took two months for it to wear off, and he never saw her again. However seven months later her unauthorized biography of his life, _Snape: Scoundrel or Saint,_ had been published. Barker had done really well in that instance, the book was in its fifth printing and all the royalties were going straight into Severus' Gringotts vault.

After the incident of Skeeter on the doorstep, Severus decided to move. He had plenty of money and Spinner's End held nothing but painful memories. He obtained a cottage on a parcel of land in Warwickshire and settled into it. There were several outbuildings and a large barn; they served well as storage facilities for equipment and ingredients. The barn itself was where he had set up his laboratory.

Winky stayed with him, the house elf had become very attached to him while he served in the capacity of Headmaster. She had gone so far as to bond herself to him and the "glorious house of Snape as long as she lived." Ha, glorious. She had proven useful in keeping house, and making sure he ate regularly. She loved having a whole property to take care of, and had also become quite adept at caring for some of his plants in his small greenhouse.

As much as Severus enjoyed the quiet, a house elf did not provide adequate company even if she had learned to speak properly. He had discovered that without some form of consistent human interaction, he was lonely. At Hogwarts he was always besieged by dunderheads, students and staff alike. His quarters served as a respite from the sea of idiocy he felt like he was drowning in. At Spinner's end, he simply hadn't had a chance for the feeling to set in. There was always someone wanting his attention, be it witch, wizard or paparazzi. But when the evenings in the cottage grew quiet and still, he felt it. He felt it all around him, sometimes to the point that he would have trouble concentrating on anything in front of him.

Severus definitely wasn't looking forward to the process before him, but he was excited about the prospect of accomplishing his goal. It would be moderately pleasant to have someone to keep the stillness at bay, someone to converse with, someone to make life a bit more interesting, and possibly stimulating. He had high expectations and wanted someone who could keep up with him, someone who would provide comfort, support, intellectual stimulation, and didn't care about his galleons or his fame. It would be a grueling few weeks ahead of him, but worth it in the end.

Severus broke off his internal musings as he reached the apothecary. His thoughts turned back to his bluebonnet petals and the outrageous price that Slugs and Jiggers charged for them. He was hoping to browbeat the proprietor into a lower price, he may be wealthy but there was still no sense in wasting money. Bluebonnet petals were not rare, they were just difficult to harvest and import.

(The flowers grew primarily in the American south, and required 8 -10 hours of consistent sunlight a day and a mild winter to establish a good root system. Also mildly poisonous they had to be purified after their initial extraction from the ground. However they were one of the best natural antihistamines once the poison was extracted. Severus was working on a preventative allergen potion, and the bluebonnet properties would work well if he could just get the formula correct.

Severus stepped inside the apothecary and eyeballed the clerk behind the counter. Upon viewing him she squeaked and ran into the back, a few moments later Jiggers returned to the counter. "Jiggers, I see you have finally got it through your employee's heads that I will only deal with the proprietors of this business."

"Yes, Mr. Snape. After the last 3 clerks quit we thought it best to have them fetch us if you needed something. We can't afford to keep losing them as soon as we get them trained."

"You call that trained. The last one didn't even know a lacewing fly from a fruit fly. She attempted to give me 3 lbs of fruit fly wings, at the lacewing fly price. If she works in an apothecary she should at least be able to get me the ingredients I request in a timely manner."

"Yes Mr. Snape. Now how may we help you today?"

"I need more bluebonnet petals, and I want a decent price on them this time. 2 for a sickle is an outrageous price, they are smaller than a fingernail."

"Well Mr. Snape, they had a bad bluebonnet year in the states. The drought that has been going on for the past 2 years made for a very poor crop. If you add in the price it costs us to procure them and the additional overhead to rehire and retrain staff, I think that you will find it is a very fair price."

"I want at least 6 for a sickle."

"If you want that sir you will have to grow them yourself. I can do 3 for a sickle."

"Five."

"Sorry sir, no deal.

"Fine. Four."

"Once again sir, the best I can give you is 3 for a sickle. If you would like to look elsewhere you will find that is the cheapest you can get, and their supply won't be as fresh as ours."

"Fine, I'll take it. I also need dragon's blood, boomslang skin, and eel eyes; have them charged to my account and delivered to my lab."

"Very well sir. They will be there tomorrow. Mr. Slugs or I will deliver them."

As Severus left the shop, Jerald Jiggers sat on the stool behind his counter, quite pleased with himself. Anyone else would easily get the petals 6 for a sickle, but no one else would cause him to lose clerks every time he came into the shop. Snape was terrible to the clerks; the majority of them had either had him at Hogwarts or were scared of his reputation. He was lucky that Snape hated dealing with any other apothecary and he was willing to pay the higher price once in a while. Jiggers knew that if he always overcharged the dark wizard he would wind up on the wrong side of some nasty hex, he had read about Rita Skeeter's predicament. He was already hairy enough. However, Snape seemed willing enough to pay it once in a while to avoid suffering the inconvenience of breaking in a new apothecary to his personality. Jerald would soon be out of his own supply of blue bonnet petals; he hoped the wizard had completed his formula by then. He didn't want to be the one to tell him that they were out.


End file.
